Authentic Communication

Post by  Lisa Ivaldi – a Writer and Blogger who loves sharing information that will have a positive impact on the world.

I’ve always considered myself to be a pretty good communicator.  I’m a good listener and usually fairly competent at getting my point across.  However, after listening to an online talk by the late Dr. Marshall Rosenberg on communication, I realized that I may be a pretty good conversationalist, but I have much to learn about being a really good communicator.

According to Dr. Rosenberg, we all have needs to be met.  Authentic communication requires understanding both our own human needs and those of the other person, and satisfying them without criticism or judgment or putting your own perception on them.

This idea of authentic communication became clearer to me one night when my daughter texted while I was reading a really good book.  She is living away from home and we communicate a lot by text.  I was enjoying my book, but happy to take a short break to see what she was up to.  We texted back and forth for awhile, but sometimes she would take so long to respond that I would stop staring at the blank phone screen and start reading my book again.

 

I like to text the same way I speak on the telephone – say hello, chat for awhile, and end by saying goodbye.  I didn’t realize it at the time but I was getting progressively more frustrated going back and forth between my book and our interrupted conversation.  Finally, after several bouts of waiting and texting, she disappeared.  No response to my last text.

About an hour later when she did finally text back, I asked where she was and why she stopped talking to me.  She said she was getting food and reminded me that I always tell her to put her phone down while she is eating.  She said there was no pleasing me – I get angry when she is on her phone and when she is not.

When I thought about it later, Dr. Rosenberg’s simple questions to help people understand their needs came back to me:

What is alive in you? What are you feeling?

I realized that she was frustrated because she thought I didn’t like her stopping to get food.  In reality, I was feeling frustrated because I thought we were in the middle of a conversation and I kept having to wait for a response.

What would make life more wonderful? What do you need?

Not having an interrupted conversation, that’s what!.  I need to know when our text conversations are over so I’m not waiting and getting frustrated.

What requests do you have?

The next day I texted her to let her know that I really wasn’t angry and what I had figured out – my request: “I realized I would just like you tell me when you are leaving our conversation.  Like when I say I’m going to bed now you know I won’t be texting again so you don’t wait.  Does that make sense?”

This wasn’t about one of us being or doing something wrong.  There was no blame, no judgment, no getting angry.  It was about taking the time to figure out what we were both feeling, what I needed, and then clearly communicating that need.  And because there was no blame or judgement, my daughter actually heard me, “Okay lol sounds good”.

That simple request has changed the way we text.  She now understands what I need and we say “going now” or “talk later” when one of us is leaving the conversation.   And yes, that small change has made life more wonderful!

 

THIS is the perfect diet!

Post by  Krista Harrison –  a holistic nutritionist, culinary nutrition expert, reflexologist and reiki practitioner.

A diet that has no judgement, only acceptance.

A diet that allows you to choose the foods you want.

A diet that acknowledges the beauty in not only our food, but the environment and the connections of people.

A diet that balances our emotional, spiritual, mental and physical sides of us.

A diet that when followed gives us energy and fills us with joy.

A diet that when followed grounds us in our truth.

Are you excited to find out what this miracle diet is?  

What do you think it is?

  • Atkins Diet.
  • The Zone Diet.
  • Vegetarian Diet.
  • Vegan Diet.
  • Weight Watchers Diet.
  • South Beach Diet.
  • Raw Food Diet.
  • Mediterranean Diet.

The truth is, it could be none of the above, all of the above or a combination.  The diet – or really way of life – is uniquely yours …. and free!  

You see when you really listen to what fuels your body and what leaves you feeling tired and weak, instead of conforming to the latest diet fad, you will feel far better! … and gain the results YOU want.

The key to this diet?  It is a willingness to stop, breathe and listen.  A willingness to let go of what you think you need to do, should do or have to do.  A willingness to learn, expand and grow.  A willingness to let go of what others may think or say and rely on your innate wisdom.

There is so much persuasion and to an extent guilt to follow certain rules, in order to have a certain outcome, which by the way is determined by who?  You?  Or someone else?  

Now, let me be clear that your body will not tell you that it wants pringles, skittles or reeses pieces. It may crave those so called foods, but at the cellular level, it wants quite the opposite – whole, nutrient dense foods. The quantity and type is determined by your unique biochemical self.  This will always change as your body changes – physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

I encourage you to read blogs, experiment with recipes incorporating various foods, listen to podcasts, sign up for seminars and workshops, BUT sift through the information, listen to what you need and start building your own tool box and guidelines for your own “diet” – really it is a way of life.  Diet would imply short term.  All these tid bits begin to form a platform on which YOU choose to stand.

I get excited by food and creating new dishes in the kitchen!  It is this feeling I try and bring to you.  However, the feeling of pure joy creating a dish that is nourishing my family, tastes darn delicious and puts a smile on my kids faces cannot be translated into words.  Each time a recipe is made it will be different even if you follow it exactly.  The mood you are in, what is going on around you, how much time you have are just some ways your recipe can change.  This is the beauty of culinary nutrition.  I encourage you to try new foods, new dishes, and find what works for you. There are so many ideas and beliefs on food: wheat free, gluten free, dairy free, non GMO free, chemical free or preservative free, food combining, morning fasting, eat 3 big meals, eat 5 small meals …. you get it, What works for you at this moment?  Know that you are not confined by your choices in this moment.  Your health journey and food choices will take twists and turns and it is important to learn how to be flexible and most of all compassionate with ourselves.

Optimal health is balancing our emotional, mental, spiritual and physical self.  It is about eating foods that nourish our own unique body.  It is about being mindful and present to every thought, word and action.  It is about choosing exercise that suits us.  It is about being honest with our emotions and surrounding ourselves with friends and family to support us.

Health is not defined by the Atkins or paleo diet or any other diet.  The failure with these diets is the lack of balancing all facets of our self.  

Don’t get lost in the gimmicks, but rather focus on whole foods, locally grown and sustainable, The dance of finding out who you are and what works best for you is incredibly healing.

Embracing the beauty of whole foods that deliver amazing nourishment for our bodies is something worth celebrating!

So are you ready to dig in and find the perfect diet?

“Never stop learning, as life never stops teaching”

– author unknown

The Universal Life Force

The universal life force that created you is always expanding, and your objective is to achieve harmony with that Source and thereby maintain the power of intention. So what is it that keeps you from expanding to the mystical reality and full vibrational spectrum? I like this answer from William James, often referred to as the father of medina psychology: ” Genius means little more than the faculty of perceiving in an inhabitable unhabitual way.” To expand your reality to match the expansiveness of the all-creating field of intention, you have to peel away your old habits of thought. These habits have pigeon-holed you to a point where you allow labels to be attached to you.

Who would you be if you did not know who you were?

“The one who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd. The one who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has ever been before.”

– Albert Einstein